OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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