3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
