Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
So I just went to clothing optional bar
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
