just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
