remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
