I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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