She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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