She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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