Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
