he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
