Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
We just shotgunned beers for America
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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