I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
