I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
