3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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