M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize