We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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