so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
