so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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