who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize