Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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