it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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