i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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