I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
