the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
