Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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