This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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