it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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