I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize