u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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