pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
