You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
