I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize