Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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