Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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