You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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