You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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