i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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