Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
