it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
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