I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
