Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
