well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize