We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
