I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
