You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
