i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize