I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
