Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
