Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
