So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
