Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
