remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
