dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
