Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
