she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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