After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
