No stitches, just platelets and will power
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
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