im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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