That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
