I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
The chlamydia really affected his face.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
