I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
