Pants 0. Shit 1.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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