I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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