youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
