I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
