call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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