NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
