You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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