I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
