Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
